(short script) When a pair of bumbling friends encounter a moody Princess, one of them makes sure that she is given a lesson in humility.

8 reviews

Neer Shelter 55,464 pts

You wrote "...I fucking love it! Don?t listen to the whiny voices!!..." and voted your own obscure comment as 'Best comment'.

Are you seriously complementing yourself or were these jokes?

logsoflines 79 pts

I fucking love it! Don't listen to the whiny voices!!

Neer Shelter 55,464 pts

Agreed with all the above.

I suggest you use the Princess' character against her, in other words, let her flaw make her do something to the protagonists - this would become their inciting incident and tie into the plot. For example, if she was somehow stranded on the streets and was mean to a homeless man by stealing the little bit of money he had when he was asleep so she can contact her family, that would force him to take action. Her flaw of selfishness caused a situation that motivated the poor guy. This isn't quite your story but the point is made - connect the character tendencies and actions with a cause and effect relationship.

savinh0 Samurai · 3,334 pts

Agree with Richiev and dpg.
I would also add at the end of your logline which specific lesson they want to teach the Princess. It boosts your whole pitch.

dpg 112,231 pts

As Richiev said.? Humiliating a princess just because she's "moody" is not a sufficient dramatic justification for their behavior in a way that will elicit audience interest and?empathy.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

You should have the princess do something mean or snobby to the lead characters so we can relate to? their goal of teaching her a lesson in humility,
Otherwise the lead characters are the ones who will come across as mean and unlikable.