2 reviews
What is "everything" that she's risking? I get that taking on the family business is a big burden, but this logline doesn't give me an idea of the specificites of that struggle... is it a huge financial risk? is she giving up other dreams? etc
You have given your lead characters two goals in the logline, You might try writing a logline where the lead character has just one goal (Although obviously?keep both goals in the actual story)
Since saving the family barbershop seems to be the main storyline, I would concentrate on that for the logline. Remember loglines are free. Write a few of them.
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"When she inherits her fathers failing barbershop after his apparent suicide, a devoted daughter leaves law school?to save the family business and the beloved workers she grew up with."