thegreatpumpkin

Penpusher · 36 points

264 points to Logliner

on After her husbands release from prison, and her brother going to prison. A inveterate young lawyer must help her husband transition back into society while trying to fight her brothers case.

I'm assuming the lawyer is the main character. The logline should give us a clear idea about what the specific struggle is for her -- right now all i know is that she's juggling two tasks. How do the tasks…
on When a doting daughter discovers her father has committed suicide leaving his barbershop bankrupt, she must risk everything, including her sanity, to save the family business and discover the truth about her beloved father’s death.

What is "everything" that she's risking? I get that taking on the family business is a big burden, but this logline doesn't give me an idea of the specificites of that struggle... is it a huge financial risk? is she…
on An orphan developing strange powers is unaware that an alien force needs to destroy her if they are to succeed in invading Earth

Make your protagonist active!! Right now you have the orphan in a fairly passive spot. The story should be about what she has to do in order to overcome danger