In a future where the wealthy live above the smog in floating cities, a group of scavengers ? led by a buoyant teen ? make the seemingly impossible ascent from the barren earth below in search of essential supplies for their people.

Wasn't expecting this level of feedback - thank you!

All of your comments are of use and give me a good insight into what I'm not communicating about my story within the logline.

Sounds similar to Elysium (2013), where the elite live in a luxurious satellite colony in space.?? Also the protagonist in that film had personal stakes -- it's a matter of life and death-- with a ticking clock.

What are the life-or-death stakes for the protagonist and his motley crew ? ? What do they stand to lose if they don't try to invade "heaven", just accept their lot in "hell"?? IOW:? Why MUST they invade "heaven NOW"?? What's the urgent need?

Hi AHarper,

I did this very quickly with what you gave us with the original logline...

In a post-apocalyptic future where the poor live underground, a teen sets off on a perilous journey to the affluent city above, in search of life-saving supplies.

INTENTION: to get life-saving supplies. (figured might as well make it more intense.)

OBSTACLE: perilous journey/everything on that journey.

I'd probably push in on the obstacle. How can we make this worse for him? How can we make it harder?

I'd probably put more in like the teen's wounded/dying father needs the supplies (this way it's more primal) but it's quite a lot to digest already.

Good luck with your writing!