Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
This is a ‘high concept’ idea – involving George growing to full size while Beth and his family try to keep his existence a secret, especially from the university’s leading paleontologist hell-bent on making his mark in the scientific community.
Hi it52,
I'm glad I could pique your interest with my 'DragonSong' story, although I'm fascinated to know how you see this as Television, then as I type I can now see the opportunity to develop a spin-off idea along those lines. (I hope no out-of-work 'Community' show runners are reading this site, on second thoughts maybe I hope they are) I've always seen this as a big, wide-screen live-action CGI adventure family comedy.
Judging from the different views about putting George's name into the logline I think it has achieved the desired effect, i.e., to get people talking about it and asking questions. It is a deliberate act to reclaim the name away from 'dragonslayers' and questing knights but also to introduce those types of characters into the mix and get some traction from the limited word count, space & time needed to catch a readers attention.
I take your point about the palaeontologist but I'm not so sure that the logline always needs the major antagonist referenced, as the logline indicates Beth has her own world to sort out, George is the catalyst character to help her do so.
Interesting that you assumed the twins were both girls, they are in fact a 13 year old boy Mat & slightly older girl Cat, craving attention and of course another family pet - nobody however was expecting George's arrival.
I don't mind that you had a crack at rewriting the logline, I should add that I find no names in loglines highly impersonal, which is why I've included the names I have chosen. Beth is a favourite name but not a game changer, George I believe is structurally important to the story and I would want it to stay. But as Maidenscombe has already pointed out if and when the script is sold the idea becomes someone else's property and who knows what might happen.
It's been great to get the feedback, appreciate you putting in the time.
I agree with sharkeatingman. There is something intriguing in your logline already. Maybe you could reword it a little differently but if I read this as a logline on television, I would give it a shot. The tone is clear as well. I got the impression this would be a family comedy.
I do agree that I don't think we need to know the dragons name n your loglne. It's not important. I also think putting the paleontologist in your logline would be very important. What's stopping the characters from hiding the dragon? Without the description below the logline, I wouldn't know who the antagonist is.
"A single mother's life suddenly gets medieval when she and her family must hide a dragon from a paleontologist who wishes to harm the creature for fame and glory."
Just playing around with your logline. I don't think we need to know that she has two teenage daughters either. I think just knowing she is a single working mother is enough. Hope my opinions help.
Sorry- new fingers... "completely", "apparently".
Also, no disrepect intended to anyone. Just my opinion on previous opinions. We are here to share these thoughts, and you try to find the ones that provide food for thought to help you improve.
Stephen- "...I may have to tweak the logline..." Why? I wouldn't touch a word of it. The previous comment on "medieval" is compeletely wrong. Apparanetly, some people just don't "get it", but most will. Don't change a great thing to clue in the clueless. "Pulp Fiction" made the phrase "go medieval on yo' ass!" a part of our pop culture. Everyone understands its intent, and it doesn't make MOST of us think of another time period. It's perfect in the tone and the suggestion that the dragon IS, in fact, a real fire-breather.
Other points about the dragon's name, similarities to "Braveheart" (Mel Gibson? I don't remember a dragon in that one), or "George and the Dragon" (don't know that one either), are completely irrelevant. If you make any changes because of those comments, in my opinion, you'd be doing yourself a huge disservice.
The concerns you mention in your responses- relax. Your logline is NOT a synopsis and only has to reveal certain elements of the story, and then, only enuf to generate interest. Had the logline for "Jaws" been two-words- "killer shark", it might have been effective enough, but certainly, the other elements completed the vision. You do not need to tell every nuance of the story in the 25 words.
The vision is clear, the tone is obvious, the genre is obvious (sounds to be funnier than Jurrasic Park, however), and the hook is obvious. I wouldn't touch a word of it.
Hi Maidenscombe,
Thanks for taking the time to comment. Firstly I agree that once a script is sold it does move out of control of the original writer and possibly into something different entirely but if the writer nails it pretty tight to start with a producer may not feel the need to tinker and/or dissassemble it too much away from the original intent.
This story is called 'DragonSong' and is set in our contemporary world of a high-tech 21st century modern city. Music will play a large role here as the signature tune of dragons singing to one another will be a feature of the story and a key plot point.
Beth's role as a single mother juggling a career, in palaeontology, then becoming protector of a baby dragon is important as it involves serious decisions and choices she has to make every day, family first before her needs etc., something modern audiences can appreciate and tap into.
I named the dragon George deliberately to draw attention to exactly what you've picked up - dragons are considered evil and dangerous in Western European history, I seek to challenge that view, in Asia dragons are good luck, powerful symbols of positive energy, and
Chinese dragons are a sign of the Emperor.
The core premise of this story, which I see as a combination live-action CGI, is that dragons are real and have hidden themselves away from humans for millennia for their own safety and security. George is a lost dragon, that must be protected and then returned so I agree I may have to retweak the logline to better reflect that.
Hi sharkeatingman,
Thanks for taking the time to comment and I appreciate your appraisal of the logline. It's pretty close to what I want to say in under 25 words, more would be better but then the writer would simply end up telling the story too much which isn't what I understand a logline to be, just enough to garner initial interest.
Your right when you say there's comedic elements to the story and I'm happy that shines through - it has some elements like 'Harry & the Hendersons' but more a 'Jurassic Park' where does the dragon come from, how do we look after it, protect it so to speak.
I've not watched 'How to train a dragon' and I agree I may have to do some work there but this idea is set in the contemporary high-tech 21st century so having a medieval myhthological beastie crash land in the here and now is very appealing to me and I see this as a combination live-action CGI film.
I call this story 'DragonSong' ... where the signature music of dragons singing to one another evokes a strong, powerful calling to humans and unlocks our own desires and dreams and hopes to strive to be who we truly want to be.
This story's core premise is that dragons are real, but hidden from humans for their own safety and survival especially as Western European mythology has them as servants of the devil. In Asia dragons are revered as creatures of positve forces and that is how I want this story to run.
As you can see there's a lot to squeeze into a short logline - but anymore feedback would be more than welcome.