5 reviews
You need to decide what is the better goal, getting the kids back or curing herself. Richiev's version, in my mind, is stronger as it gives her a clear objective goal we can see her achieve without the need for exposition.
Her kids being taken away from her is a very powerful image and one that would clearly motivate her, a positive diagnosis less so.
>>>on account of her mental illness, a holier-than-though mother
What dramatic purpose is served by her being "holier-than-thou"?? She's already mentally ill.? Isn't that enough?
After her children are taken, on account of her mental illness, a holier-than-though mother must reclaim them by undergoing a life-threatening VR therapy: defeating embodiments of her demons.
Does this look iffy on a clear incident? Trying to bake the midpoint turn into it, but I?m finding it tricky.
?When a holier-than-though mother of two, secretly commences a risky virtual-reality treatment, upon discovering her rare mental illness, she must enter life-or-death combat against simulations of her inner demons, once found out, while fighting a deadline custody battle in the real world.?
"When she loses custody of her children, a desperate mother joins an experimental?virtual reality treatment for her mental condition, in the hopes of a cure and getting her kids back."