Discovering that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland, an independent rouge agrees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling against Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the process.

I don't get a sense of what is at stake here for the main character or the inhabitants of the story world. So what if Captain Hook gets his hands on the map? What happens to the main character if she can't deliver the map?

You are also using characters who are already established as good guys and bad guys. Are you subverting this? If so how? If not, why do we care if your hero wins?

Great suggestions Richiev

I honestly didnt even think of it from that point of view but that definately makes sense.

The basic premise is that she gets blackmailed into it by Hook but changes sides mid-way through the script. Obviosuly i dont need to add this much detail into the logline but i'll think of something

Thanks for the sugestion

I like the idea, but not sure of the motivation (at least, it isn't coming across in the logline) Why team with Captain Hook instead of Peter Pan.

I only say that because; Since we know Pan as the hero and Hook as the Villain, the logline should give us a glimpse why the protagonist is siding with the Captain.

I'm not saying this isn't a great idea, just saying the logline is missing a key element to hook (Pun intended) us.

Hope that helped, good luck with this!

New Version - When an independent teen discovers that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland she agrees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the process

When an independent teen dicovers that her estranged father has stolen a map to Neverland, she agreees to deliver it to a banished Captain Hook, battling against Peter Pan and his Lost Boys in the Process" - redo