An out-world war destines a bio-molecular energy, ineffectual in fusion with any previous life form to Planet Earth, where a benevolent and jubilant father-to-be unwittingly absorbs it and must engage in battle with the implacable beings pursuing the power source for galactic dominion.

Have to add, that everyone's replies are the collective right answer. I'm learning much.

Back to rewrite. Again, thanks to all. Great insight as always.

I have read this a number of times and must say I am no closer to the idea. Richiev hit is spot on.

Main character, inciting event, goal, stakes. Until all this is crystal clear you have to rewrite the logline.

Richiev, as usual, puts his finger on a fundamental problem and has some constructive ideas. I agree with him that it would be better if the character appeared to be acting rather than being acted upon.

This story seems -- seems, I'm just guessing -- to be a variant of the Genie in the bottle motif. That is, the protagonist comes into a possession (or is imbued) with some superhuman, ultra-awesome power. What is he going to do with this gift, this unearned power? What MUST he do with it?

One more thing, the events of the story seem to happen to the character, some of the story problems would be corrected if the lead character initiated the events.

The lead character should seek out the power in order to protect his unborn daughter.

Event: Aliens attack earth
Action: Lead character seeks out the power
Goal: Save the world for his unborn daughter.

You have written this as if the bio-molecular energy is the lead character. From previous attempts I don't believe this to be the case.

Also, as DPG points out, this logline is hard to decipher.

third, from reading previous loglines, I had pointed out that the energy could be construed as Gaia. People have an understanding of Gaia (an unimaginable energy that predates history) I have no idea what a bio molecular energy is.

Finally, you haven't given us a clear inciting incident. Is it when aliens attack the earth? or is it when the father-to-be absorbs the power?

Give us an inciting incident, a clear lead character and an understandable explanation of the mysterious power and the logline will become far more clear.

Hope that helped.

My m.o. is to read a logline quickly, often while multitasking -- simulating the way I think Hollyweird directors and producers would as people with very busy schedules, lots of people, scripts, loglines and pitches clamoring for their attention. Ideally, the concept in a logline should be crystal clear on the 1st read to anyone under those circumstances, and it should hook their interest.

I have read this logline 3 times s-l-o-w-l-y trying to figure out what the story is about. And I still don't know. Others' mileage may vary, but I am totally clueless as to why the expectant father MUST "engage" (what does that mean?) with these "implacable beings".