An immortal warrior-princess from another universe unexpectedly falls in love with a human boy while hunting the shapechanger that murdered her parents.

Thanks cicpices. I'll try and make it a bit clearer.

Cheers
C

Thanks Nir. I agree, it's a little confusing as to whether it's predominately a revenge story or a romance. Still trying to nut that out myself. As to how immortals can be killed - happens in fantasy all the time (Highlander, Lord of the Rings, and squillions more). Not sure if I can work that into the logline, but I'm not sure it's confusing enough to leave it out either. See what others say. Either way, thanks for the pointer. Appreciate it.

Cheers
C

Thanks James, really apprecicat the feedback. Working hard on fixing it up.

C

When I first read this logline I thought it was going to be a comedy/fantasy. My problem is I'm still not sure what type of film it is. Also I can't pinpoint the conflict here. So what if she unexpectedly falls in love? How does it relate to her quest.
There are good elements to the logline but it is not highlighting a clear story.

Most has been commented on already but in case this helps as well.

It is a bit confusing as to how the daughter of a dead couple can be immortal? Although fantasy allows for such logic leaps through the specific mechanics of an alternate reality it may be best left out of the logline.

May be good to clarify the type of story being either revenge or love based and accordingly change the order of the logline.

If it is a revenge story then perhaps start with the inciting incident such as the parents murder and then bring in the hero giving chase imbuing her with motivation to clash with the antagonist. In which case maybe don't mention the love interest, which could very well be the B plot.

EG: When her parents murderer is at large a warrior princes seeks revenge throughout the universe etc?

If it is a love story then start with the inciting incident of meeting the boy and only insinuate the revenge B plot if at all.

Hope this helps, Nir.

I like the concept. I've been working on taking concepts and creating a coherant logline, too. But the concept here has promise.