Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
Corridor One
So many disconnects, as Nir pointed out. I'll add just two more.
How does and art fraud investigator's background relate to a jewel theft?
Why does she go to Europe when Siberia is in Asia? ?I had to google Siberian catacombs as I was only familiar with the European ones, Nice setting. Kudos for that but I not seeing the need for it in the logline.
Why 'must' or ?how 'thrust'? ?Doesn't look like anything compelling other than curiosity. As opposed to this thirty word version: ??When the?stolen Eye of the Czar diamond, ?a cryptic message. and the authorities land on her doorstep, an art fraud investigator must?prove she is not her father's?'fence'.
I only do exactly 30 word loglines (it's a personal challenge not some silly rule you need to follow). But it hints at a lot of the elements you've given us so far. Eye of the Czar ratchets up the 'importance' of the theft and links it to Siberia. ?Her father's fence is what the authorities believe but it leaves it open as to what his real guilt or innocence or involvement is. and now she has to go on her journey or risk going to jail. This may not be your story but I could see where it could make your first ten pages the page turner it needs to be.
Anyway, good luck with it. Take what you want from it. Trash the rest.
A fraud investigator must go to Europe and through Siberian catacombs to find out the truth about her father who mastermind an international criminal heist.
Thank you
Working to improve it,
Submitted another one - to have a choice from two options:
When an art fraud detective receives a package containing a stolen diamond along with a cryptic message from her dead brother, she is thrust on a journey to uncover the link between her family and an unsolved international crime
This is the first draft of a logline for this concept that is getting close to describing a causally connected plot. Well done!
Main character - art forgery expert
Inciting incident - discovers that her father was behind an unsolved international diamonds robbery
Causal connection - Because of finding out her father is accused of theft she must...
Goal - absolved her father
A few notes.
This line "...whose family disappeared 20 years ago,..." is unrelated to the plot and needs to be removed from the logline.
Main Character - art forgery expert - still a bit vague as I'm not sure this is an actually profession, is it?
Also how is an art expert able to solve an international crime? The main character description would be best used to describe either a characteristic as an obstacle that will stand in her way of achieving her goal and require she overcomes it via her inner journey, or, be an ability vital for her to achieve the goal. Currently art forgery expert doesn't do either.
Inciting incident - discovers father is guilty of a crime. Needs more detail, how does she discover? What was the event that sparked her suspicions?
On that note, what does "...behind an unsolved international diamonds robbery..." mean? Was he the robber? The master mind? The getaway driver? The dealer?
Goal - Lastly a logic flaw in the logline is; if he is indeed behind the robbery then he is guilty and she should not be able to absolve him. Secondly if the crime was unsolved then he would have not been accused of anything so in who's eyes is she trying to absolve him?
Hi Nir,
what about my latest attempt?
When an art forgery expert, whose family disappeared 20 years ago, discovers that her father was behind an unsolved international diamonds robbery, she is captivated to find the diamonds and absolved her father
In case it hasn't been made clear...
Specific details.
High stakes.
Clear cause and effect relationship.
One compelling goal.
Thank you again, another attempt:
When an art forgery expert, whose family disappeared 20 years ago, discovers that her father was behind an unsolved international diamonds robbery, she is captivated to find the diamonds and absolved her father
Hello, it's getting better.
"was linked to"-> specify how.
"an unsolved international crime" -> specify what crime.
"she is captivated to solve it" -> this is a very poor motivation. Find something that she "must" do, rise the stakes. A main character should have a clear goal higher than 'curiosity'."What if she fails, what if she give up?" you should ask yourself. If 'nothing, she'll go back to her ordinary life" is the answer ther is a problem.
Thank you ALL. My new try to solve the riddle of the LogLine :):):)
When an art forgery expert discovers that a 20 years old disappearance of her family was linked to an unsolved international crime she is captivated to solve it and to absolve her father