Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
The Sugarcane Rebellion
"...There?s a lot going on in this story to cram it all into." is probably the case with most writers and their loglines here and else where. But as mentioned above include in your logline only the bare essentials for the main plot to be understood and no more.
Inciting incident that made the MC of this description need to achieve his clear goal despite the obstacle/antagonist.
If the bare bones of the story work then the reader will understand how complex the epic saga is.
Hope this helps.
The host of this site, Karel Segers, offers a script consultant service.
Yep, i've got it sorted. What happened was, in Jamaica after the Spanish lost control of the island to the English in 1655, many of the slaves were either freed or they escaped. Most disappeared into the mountainous interior of Jamaica and lived among the native Arawak people. There were ongoing skirmishes etc with English soldiers but given the terrain and how well they knew the country, they were able to repel attacks and defend their freedom.
My protagonist never leaves Jamaica, he liberates his family and the remaining slaves, then establishes a free community as per the above.
In my script i've focused on character development, dialogue and the flowing of the story. To me it all seems smooth as silk, but i'd like to have someone with industry experience read over it and give me their opinion. Any idea how I can go about this?
>>, but Ghana cant be used because it wasn't known as Ghana at that time
Good catch. "African warrior" should cover it for the purpose of the logline.
The passivity of the protagonist and the others in "12 Years a Slave" bothered me too, but given the historical context, I can understand why most slaves submitted. Slave rebellions were ruthlessly repressed. If slaves managed to overthrow their masters, where could they flee? Where could they find sanctuary to stay free? Getting back to their homelands in Africa was an insuperable obstacle.
But there were a number of rebellions in the U.S. and in Jamaica, as you well know. I worked with a writer on a script based upon a slave rebellion in Florida after the War of 1812. Which, as did they all, came to naught. They won their freedom temporarily only to have no sanctuary to find peace and freedom.
Which is the one big question I have about your story: How do they find passage back to their homeland after they've overthrown their masters? With the ticking clock running: the British would be expected to counterattack fast and furiously. No time to loiter.
But I assume you've got that figured out in a way that is true to the historical period. Best wishes with your story!
Wow, great support coming here from dpg. Interesting how difficult it is to push the story from the synopsis into the logline as the author, and how valuable a fresh pair of eyes can be!
DPG, again thanks for your words. It makes a great deal of sense. There's a lot going on in this story to cram it all into a being kidnapped --> taken aboard the slave ship --> two months at sea --> sold at the slave market --> bought by plantation owner --> rebellion and escape (climax).
You'd really need to read the synopsis to see what i'm getting at. I personally think this story is brilliant because it has historical significance in the way the slave trade has shaped the world of today through people movements and African diaspora and also focuses on how disgracefully human beings treat each other. I enjoyed 12 Years a Slave, and realise this was based on a true story, but I got frustrated with it because Solomon seemed to make no effort to escape. He just did what he was told. and was too submissive and despite the treatment he and the other slaves were subjected to, no one did anything. Therefore in my own piece I wanted to write about the slaves fighting back.
I'm a staunch film critic and it really boggles the mind how some projects get studio backing There's so many rubbish movies made with boring story lines I cannot figure it out. I like action movies (who doesnt?), but Steven Seagal movies from the last 15 years are a perfect example of what i'm talking about. Story lines like "a cop who's partner is murdered by the Russian mob during a drug bust, will stop at nothing until the killers are brought to justice" bla bla. Heard it a million times. I'm all about innovation.
Anyways, I like the example logline you've provided, but Ghana cant be used because it wasnt known as Ghana at that time. How about just swapping Ghana for Africa?
"In 1656 an African warrior embarks on a perilous journey across the Atlantic to liberate his tribe, kidnapped and forced into slavery on the sugarcane plantations of Jamaica".
Really appreciate your valuable input. This has been a real learning experience for me.