Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
The Sugarcane Rebellion
"...There?s a lot going on in this story to cram it all into." is probably the case with most writers and their loglines here and else where. But as mentioned above include in your logline only the bare essentials for the main plot to be understood and no more.
Inciting incident that made the MC of this description need to achieve his clear goal despite the obstacle/antagonist.
If the bare bones of the story work then the reader will understand how complex the epic saga is.
Hope this helps.
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Yep, i've got it sorted. What happened was, in Jamaica after the Spanish lost control of the island to the English in 1655, many of the slaves were either freed or they escaped. Most disappeared into the mountainous interior of Jamaica and lived among the native Arawak people. There were ongoing skirmishes etc with English soldiers but given the terrain and how well they knew the country, they were able to repel attacks and defend their freedom.
My protagonist never leaves Jamaica, he liberates his family and the remaining slaves, then establishes a free community as per the above.
In my script i've focused on character development, dialogue and the flowing of the story. To me it all seems smooth as silk, but i'd like to have someone with industry experience read over it and give me their opinion. Any idea how I can go about this?
>>, but Ghana cant be used because it wasn't known as Ghana at that time
Good catch. "African warrior" should cover it for the purpose of the logline.
The passivity of the protagonist and the others in "12 Years a Slave" bothered me too, but given the historical context, I can understand why most slaves submitted. Slave rebellions were ruthlessly repressed. If slaves managed to overthrow their masters, where could they flee? Where could they find sanctuary to stay free? Getting back to their homelands in Africa was an insuperable obstacle.
But there were a number of rebellions in the U.S. and in Jamaica, as you well know. I worked with a writer on a script based upon a slave rebellion in Florida after the War of 1812. Which, as did they all, came to naught. They won their freedom temporarily only to have no sanctuary to find peace and freedom.
Which is the one big question I have about your story: How do they find passage back to their homeland after they've overthrown their masters? With the ticking clock running: the British would be expected to counterattack fast and furiously. No time to loiter.
But I assume you've got that figured out in a way that is true to the historical period. Best wishes with your story!
Wow, great support coming here from dpg. Interesting how difficult it is to push the story from the synopsis into the logline as the author, and how valuable a fresh pair of eyes can be!
DPG, again thanks for your words. It makes a great deal of sense. There's a lot going on in this story to cram it all into a being kidnapped --> taken aboard the slave ship --> two months at sea --> sold at the slave market --> bought by plantation owner --> rebellion and escape (climax).
You'd really need to read the synopsis to see what i'm getting at. I personally think this story is brilliant because it has historical significance in the way the slave trade has shaped the world of today through people movements and African diaspora and also focuses on how disgracefully human beings treat each other. I enjoyed 12 Years a Slave, and realise this was based on a true story, but I got frustrated with it because Solomon seemed to make no effort to escape. He just did what he was told. and was too submissive and despite the treatment he and the other slaves were subjected to, no one did anything. Therefore in my own piece I wanted to write about the slaves fighting back.
I'm a staunch film critic and it really boggles the mind how some projects get studio backing There's so many rubbish movies made with boring story lines I cannot figure it out. I like action movies (who doesnt?), but Steven Seagal movies from the last 15 years are a perfect example of what i'm talking about. Story lines like "a cop who's partner is murdered by the Russian mob during a drug bust, will stop at nothing until the killers are brought to justice" bla bla. Heard it a million times. I'm all about innovation.
Anyways, I like the example logline you've provided, but Ghana cant be used because it wasnt known as Ghana at that time. How about just swapping Ghana for Africa?
"In 1656 an African warrior embarks on a perilous journey across the Atlantic to liberate his tribe, kidnapped and forced into slavery on the sugarcane plantations of Jamaica".
Really appreciate your valuable input. This has been a real learning experience for me.
creative_minds:
First of all, I think it's a potentially interesting and compelling story. I googled slave rebellions in Jamaica and see that there was one in 1760, Tacky's Rebellion. But I see your story line is significantly different. I'm okay with that although I am curious to know why you did not choose to dramatize one of the historical slave rebellions.
Now then, the substance of your logline. As I noted earlier, your logline seems to state two goals: free his family; free the others. But a logline is about a plot and a plot should be about one and only one objective goal for the main character. (That dictum dates back to Aristotle's Poetics and it still makes practical sense. Yes, a movie, and even more so a mini-series, can have multiple story lines, but all the threads should be framed and organized with reference to the ONE objective goal of the protagonist.)
In your story, the main character is the warrior.
That the warrior would want to liberate his family is a no brainer. But then I put myself in the mind and context of a 17th century man living in Ghana and asked: in an era of primitive communications when it took months for information to cross the Atlantic, how likely is the warrior to be aware of how horrible conditions are thousands of miles away in Jamaica? He may have heard rumors, but how could he know how bad conditions were to trigger his wrath and resolve to liberate all slaves in Jamaica, not just his family?
But then I thought of it from another angle: What if his goal, while still in Ghana, was to free his tribe (which would include his immediate family but also his extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws) whom were captured en masse and sold into slavery by a rival tribe? Which happened all too frequently in that period. Loyalty in 17th century West Africa was to one's tribe -- not to one's race. (And even today, loyalty to one's tribe often trumps loyalty to the nation state.)
So I find it credible that he would make the journey to free his tribe -- his extended family. But I don't find it credible that he would embark on the journey with the explicit goal to liberate everyone else of his race, slaves from other tribes.
(Although once he gets to Jamaica and sees how horrible conditions are AND realizes that he needs the help of other tribes to free his own tribe, his tactics change. But not the objective goal: liberate his tribe.)
So, here's a first iteration of a logline based upon my understanding of the concept and the historical period:
In 1656 a Ghana warrior embarks on a perilous journey across the Atlantic to liberate his tribe, kidnapped and forced into slavery on the sugar plantations of Jamaica.
I think it is important to specify where he's starting from and where is destination. It gives the reader a sense of the dramatic sweep of the story and how much struggle and risk is entailed in the journey.
And to reiterate, after he gets to Jamaica and sees how awful conditions are and that he needs to enlist help from other tribes, then liberating others becomes credible. As a MEANS to his ONE objective goal: liberate his people.
Don't know if any of this makes sense. Hope some of it helps.
Some good advice DPG, thanks..This is the first logline I have ever written so always appreciate inputs from others.
How does this read:
"In 1656 a tribal warrior embarks on a perilous journey across the Atlantic to a sugarcane plantation where he leads a rebellion to free his kidnapped family and fellow Africans from the brutality of English slavers".
Thanks for the replies. The story is set around the year 1656 which is when the English have established a base at Fort Cormantine (Ghana) and also just after the English have taken Jamaica from the Spanish. Whilst the story and characters are fictional, the general gist is historical fact.
The protagonist's main goal is to free his family and fellow villagers from the slavers, but after witnessing the brutality his people experienced at the hands of the English, his goal broadens to freeing all the slaves at the two main plantations mentioned in the story, and the way he achieves this is by triggering a rebellion.