After his family is kidnapped and sold to English slavers by renegade Fante tribesmen, Ashanti tribal warrior Mwabo embarks on a perilous voyage across the Atlantic to the sugarcane plantations of modern day Jamaica in search of his wife and son, where he leads a slave rebellion against the tyrannical white masters to reclaim his family's freedom and liberate his fellow Africans from the misery of enslavement.

"...There?s a lot going on in this story to cram it all into." is probably the case with most writers and their loglines here and else where. But as mentioned above include in your logline only the bare essentials for the main plot to be understood and no more.

Inciting incident that made the MC of this description need to achieve his clear goal despite the obstacle/antagonist.

If the bare bones of the story work then the reader will understand how complex the epic saga is.

Hope this helps.

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Yep, i've got it sorted. What happened was, in Jamaica after the Spanish lost control of the island to the English in 1655, many of the slaves were either freed or they escaped. Most disappeared into the mountainous interior of Jamaica and lived among the native Arawak people. There were ongoing skirmishes etc with English soldiers but given the terrain and how well they knew the country, they were able to repel attacks and defend their freedom.

My protagonist never leaves Jamaica, he liberates his family and the remaining slaves, then establishes a free community as per the above.

In my script i've focused on character development, dialogue and the flowing of the story. To me it all seems smooth as silk, but i'd like to have someone with industry experience read over it and give me their opinion. Any idea how I can go about this?