A smart sophisticated business woman comes across a document that ends up pushing her to a limit beyond her control.

3 reviews

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

As others have noted.? The logline is vague and presents her as a passive, reactive victim of the document.? Protagonist's are supposed to be proactive not reactive.

The document contains a discovery.? The discovery constitutes the inciting incident. That needs to be stated with greater specificity.

As a result of this discovery, she must do something.? What must she do?? What becomes her objective goal?

I suggest you consult "Formula" at the top of the web page for guidelines on writing an industry standard logline.

fwiw

Foxtrot25 Summitry · 17,380 pts

Yeah, good advice, bivric. This won't get a pass by the cliche police for sure.

bivric Samurai · 626 pts

I think we need more specifics such as what type of business.? Also, we need an antagonist other than a document like a secret organization behind the formation of the document.? Also, pushing the limit is a clich?