A powerful Mafioso plots to heist 360 tons of gold from Italy and the Vatican ? and the only man who can protect them from devastation is a bumbling, self-important actor who has a fear of cleavage.

Giacomo Bondamente: The World’s Greatest Hero

39 reviews

Jim Corona Penpusher · 1 pts

Tony Edward, good point about the WHY Giacomo is the last resort. I'm working on finding a crisp way to state it. (It's because Giacomo is the only outsider whom the bad guy will allow close to his gang's inner workings.)
Thanx for the input.
?...........j

Tony Edward Samurai · 1,450 pts

I think that if you are getting interest using the above logline then the logline is serving it's purpose. My only suggestion would be to have a good think about "...last resort..." -- for me it leaves a bit of a logic gap... who's last resort and why is it their last resort? In my head, even though it might seem cliche, but a logical reason for a Spy agency (well -- maybe you could just refer to them as AN Agency/ crime agency or something etc...) to use this guy to INFILTRATE (which is what I'm assuming they want him to do...???) the 'robbers' (or what-have-you) is if the bumbling actor bore a striking resemblance to some well known thief/ criminal etc...? Obviously the script is done -- but regardless, the logline would be improved if you could spell out the reason WHY this bumbling actor is a 'last resort' ...

Anyway -- if it's working for you it's working... so nice work -- I still think when playing with it try and get as specific as you can with the main plot elements -- try some drafts where you don't worry about word count -- just make the story crystal clear, and then revise with a mind to condense etc...fwiw - the original logline read a bit 'sales pitchy', and the most recent is definitely better, but missing a clear story thread... you want to find a good balance between the two.

Below is just my spin taking some dramatic license etc:

'A bumbling out of work actor that bears a striking resemblance to a high profile thief is hired by the CIA to infiltrate a gang who plan on robbing the Vatican'

Best of luck again, and hats off on the Inktip interest!

Jim Corona Penpusher · 1 pts

Here's the logline that's garnered some producer interest on InkTip:
(Comedy:) Conned into believing he's hero material, a bumbling actor becomes the last resort against a madman's plot to destroy the Italian government and the Vatican.
I'll keep tweaking.
..............j