? A hypochondriac TV host on the brink of failure must confront his troubled past when the only way to save his show is to go on a road trip with his estranged biological sister to find their birth mother.

7 reviews

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

I agree with? Richiev.? ?If a logline has more than one sentence, then the logline is probably too long.

The more measure for me is a logline that exceeds 40 words. (I have yet to encounter a logline for a movie that got made that couldn't be summarized in 40 words or less.)? That is, a logline should only take 5-6 seconds to read.? And it should make immediate sense.

This logline is 39 words long -- almost at the red line.? However, imho, it doesn't make immediate sense in terms of stating the singular, clearly defined objective goal of the protagonist that drives the action.

melsher Penpusher · 161 pts

I would only suggest that you break it up into two sentences. It's a bit of a mouthful to get out on an elevator. How about:

A hypochondriac TV host is on the brink of failure. The only way for him to salvage his ratings is to confront his past and go on a road trip with his estranged biological sister to find their birth mother.

 

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

Bibi:
Thanks for the further clarifications.

Stripping (butchering?) the plot down to its spine, it seems to me that the guy's objective goal is to find his birth mother and persuade her to donate a kidney donor for his sister, something he can't bring himself to do because of his hypochondria.