melsher

Recent reviews

• on After a mysterious attack in the inner city, resulting in weakened protective borders, A lonewolf member of the Clerics believed to be blessed by God with their abilities goes on a spree to find out who was involved to stop the attackers from invading the city.

  I need more of an idea of place here. You mention the inner city, but the clerical reference sounds paranormal? Is it post-apocalyptic?

• on How a Black police officer infiltrated a Ku Klax Klan chapter with a Jewish partner who eventually became its leader.

  How about putting it in present tense: A black police officer enlists the help of a Jewish cop to infiltrate and? thwart a Ku Klux Klan group.

• on After a lonely orphan discovers she belongs to an almost-extinct race that guards the source of all life, she must fight to protect mankind from the only other of her people, her parents killer.

  I'm confused on one point: the almost extinct species guards the source of life, and yet the only ones left are killers? How about: When a lonely orphan discovers she belongs to an almost-extinct race, she must prevent those of…

• on ? A hypochondriac TV host on the brink of failure must confront his troubled past when the only way to save his show is to go on a road trip with his estranged biological sister to find their birth mother.

  I would only suggest that you break it up into two sentences. It's a bit of a mouthful to get out on an elevator. How about: A hypochondriac TV host is on the brink of failure. The only way for…