6 reviews
I suggest this needs clarification.? The dramatic problem needs a tighter focus.
If the robot abets the entrepreneur,? but doesn't win over the landlady, will he be recycled?? Or if he wins over the landlady but fails to abet the entrepreneur, will he be recycled?? What I see is a logline giving the robot 2 dramatic problems.
The outcome of which problem ultimately decides the fate of the robot?
Whichever one it is should the impetus for the objective goal that constitutes the plot described in the logline.? The other one is a complication in a subplot that need not be mentioned in the logline because loglines are only about the primary plot, not subplots.
Also I think "abet" needs to be made more concrete, more particular.? The dishonesty is an ongoing problem, right?? Well, why must the robot act now?? ?What specific deed must the robot encourage the entrepreneur to do?
fwiw
Here's my early morning rewrite:
"A highly-principled, sentient robot is earmarked for recycling, and must unite a robot-hating grandmother with her estranged family, to avoid his doomed fate."
Thanks everyone for your comments. Very helpful. :)? I have honed in on the landlady as the antagonist and amended the logline? as follows:
'An abandoned, experimental sentient-robot must unite a robot-hating grand-mother with her estranged family to avoid being recycled.'