A family living in Hawaii unravels from alcoholism exposing Hawaii's underside
Screenplay is witten. It’s titled Masters of Purgatory
Screenplay is witten. It’s titled Masters of Purgatory
I'm going to assume that "dysfunctional PENILE (penal) system" was meant as a joke. With four kids, there was nothing dysfunctional about his!
A co dependent Dad and an alcoholic Mom
Pick one. As an emerging writer, it is hard enough to develop one character's journey. Who is the real hero?
are raising 4 children in an affluent Hawaii neighborhood
Why is it important to mention Hawaii and that they are affluent? It may be stronger to give us the profession/function of the main character. This will probably imply their socio-economic status.
when Mom seeks a restraining order on Dad to pre-empt loosing her children,
Here it is suggested that dad is the hero as mum proves to be more dysfunctional.
the TRO is corruptly handled by a City Prosecutor and improperly administered and
This is interesting as it shows how dad is unjustfully treated by the authorities. This often makes for powerful drama.
Dad is faced with a 10 year jail sentence sucked into a morbidly dysfunctional Hawaii penile system.
To me, this reads like the actual Inciting Incident. Here is where the story really starts.
How about this:
"When his alcoholic wife puts a restraining order on a Hawaiian [function/profession], he must fight the morbidly dysfunctional penile system and learn to overcome his co-dependence before winning his children back."
Thanks much appreciate it. Is this any better?
A co dependent Dad and an alcoholic Mom are raising 4 children in an affluent Hawaii neighborhood when Mom seeks a restraining order on Dad to pre-empt loosing her children, the TRO is corruptly handled by a City Prosecutor and improperly administered and Dad is faced with a 10 year jail sentence sucked into a morbidly dysfunctional Hawaii penile system.