7 reviews
I do love the idea of this odd mix of genre characters. I echo most by saying to have an inciting incident and reason for them to need each other or meet each other at least.? The one I read in these comments is way to long and complex - tighten it and lighten it up I would suggest.? Like a 10 year would understand.? Keep at it on this one.
>>>It?s a story of two guys
So it's an Odd Couple/buddy film.
Even so, I think it's best to frame the logline around the vampire because he is a far more interesting character. ?And his dramatic predicament seem far more urgent than that of the gangster.
Also, what is the dramatic glue, the common need, the binds these two characters in the same plot? ?It's not obvious how each could help the other. ? ?What does the gangster have that the vampire needs, that he can't find in anyone else, ?to solve his dramatic problem? ?Conversely, what does the vampire have that the gangster needs, can't find anywhere else, to solve his dramatic problem?
>>>son of a famous gangster
Better if he's pitched as the son of a ruthless gangster -- IOW: the son is in mortal jeopardy.
fwiw
The latest version of the logline is too long and unclear.
Is the MC the vampire or the gangster's son? They both seem to have different goals, so it can't be a dual protagonist - which of them is the main character of your story?