A covert agent is wanted for his wife's murder and branded a terrorist. With the world on the brink of collapse and a rogue agent wanting war. He has limited time to find her murderer, the rogue agent and uncover a shocking truth that would bring the world to it's knees.

Espionage Thriller

16 reviews

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

You're welcome, good luck with your script!

Patrick Fox 0 pts

Thank you.

I do like your changes and will be using that one. :)

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After a covert agent?s branded a terrorist, he has forty-eight hours to stop the perpetrators of a conspiracy that?ll frame him for a new World War.
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I want to thank you and dpg so much for all your help. It is very much appreciated:)

The treatment is complete, not long started the screenplay. I just wanted to see if people like the idea of the story. :)

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

A good rewrite! Nice job :)

Some very minor changes:
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After a covert agent's branded a terrorist, he has forty-eight hours to stop the perpetrators of a conspiracy that'll frame him for a new World War.
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I think you have almost got this one down?

"Is this written? Or are you testing the idea by first creating a logline?

Patrick Fox 0 pts

Revision 4: When a covert agent is branded a terrorist, he has forty-eight hours to find the perpetrators of a conspiracy that will frame him for a new World War.

Patrick Fox 0 pts

I like it. I have created another with a mixture of everything discussed :D

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

Your logline is much better. How about this, a mixture of your last logline attempt and mine.
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Wanted for murder and branded a terrorist, a covert agent has 48 hours to clear his name and stop a rogue Agent hell-bent on triggering World War three.?
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dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

I think Richiev's version is a definite improvement. Here is my revision of his version:

When a covert agent is branded a terrorist, he has 24 hours to stop the real terrorists from perpetrating the conspiracy he is accused of: triggering a nuclear war.

Ideally, a logline is about the sizzle -- not the steak. Is the sizzle that he's wanted for the murder of his wife? Is that what makes the story unique, different, gives it a twist? I don't think so. I think it's part of the meat -- the plot, an additional complication.

To me, the sizzle is that he's suspected of planning the very deed he's trying to prevent. That's what stands out,hooks my interest-- not the murder.

The murder is relevant to the objective goal (stop the conspiracy) IF and ONLY IF the murder is directly, causally linked to the conspiracy. Even then, it's a link he's will discover in the course of trying to stop the conspiracy. Solving his wife's murder would be nice, but it is not the primary goal. He has a more important, more pressing mission to worry about than clearing his name: he's got only 24 hours to save the world.

So I suggest that the logline focus on the primary objective goal, stopping the conspiracy, and save the murder reveal for the script.

fwiw.

Patrick Fox 0 pts

Revision3: A covert Agent is wanted for his wife?s murder and branded a terrorist. He has only forty-eight hours to clear his name, and to find a rogue Agent hell-bent on revealing a secret that could start a New World War.