R J

Penpusher · 10 points

290 points to Logliner

on A young girl who has lived her entire life in a laboratory as the subject of an experiment, is kidnapped by a scientist who wants her to have a few days of a real childhood before she dies.

Sounds like a very touching concept. I think the logline could be improved by explaining why the scientist has chosen this moment to rescue her (make it clear if she is days away from death), and who the scientist is…
on After ten people go missing a 5th grade prodigy tries to figure out the case

Hi, I think the idea would be more engaging if there were stakes outlined and if the character's flaw was explained. What sort of growth will the character experience, and how much time do they have. Keep it up. Stay…