Michael Pulliam

Penpusher · 1 points

299 points to Logliner

2 loglines
9 reviews

When a young woman foresees her community?s catastrophic doom, she must choose between keeping a solemn promise – and telling the life-saving truth.

August 23, 2015
In a world run by machines, a timid young woman – holding a vital secret – must regain her ability to speak before everything she loves is destroyed.

August 20, 2015

on A new foster mother, walks away from her last hope of being a parent, when her teenager drives her uninsured car into the neighbour?s house.

I agree with the above comment - it seems like we jump in at the end of the story, or that it's thin on content. A simple fix for this logline might be to make it more active. Consider: "A…
on When a young woman foresees her community?s catastrophic doom, she must choose between keeping a solemn promise – and telling the life-saving truth.

Thank you! As soon as I posted, I realized I left out her concrete goal. "When a young woman foresees her community?s catastrophic doom, she struggles to regain her ability to speak in order to make the ultimate choice -…
on In a world run by machines, a timid young woman – holding a vital secret – must regain her ability to speak before everything she loves is destroyed.

I went ahead and resubmitted the revision. Find it here: https://loglines.org/when-a-young-woman-foresees-her-communitys-catastrophic-doom-during-an-accident-that-renders-her-without-speech-she-must-choose-between-keeping-a-solemn-promise-and-telling-the-life-saving/
on In a world run by machines, a timid young woman – holding a vital secret – must regain her ability to speak before everything she loves is destroyed.

I went ahead and resubmitted the revision. Find it here: https://staging.loglineit.com/when-a-young-woman-foresees-her-communitys-catastrophic-doom-during-an-accident-that-renders-her-without-speech-she-must-choose-between-keeping-a-solemn-promise-and-telling-the-life-saving/
on A timid, admin clerk reluctantly chooses to be the only stable friend of an erratic, homeless woman she had idolised back when they were School Captain.

This idea seems promising but is a little thin on content. A few good questions to ask yourself: --What does the main character want? (This can illuminate why she's reluctant.) --What's in her way? (this is a great method for…
on After gaining superpowers, a group of clumsy and incompetent young adults set out to become the world?s first supervillains, but must first gain control over their city from the corrupt, but powerful superheroes who protect it.

I agree with Mr Griffiths on all counts - too wordy, but the concept rocks! Consider: "After gaining superpowers, a group of awkward teens set out to become the world?s first supervillains - by taking control of their city from…
on A three month pregnant healthcare worker's grim shift at the local psychiatric hospital is disturbed when a possessed patient wants her in horrific fear, at the sight of the demonic being that lives inside her.

Your concept seems quite interesting with a lot of potential for scares, but I'm struggling to follow the logline. "A three month pregnant healthcare worker" This feels a little too detailed. Is it essential that we know how many months?…
on In a world run by machines, a timid young woman – holding a vital secret – must regain her ability to speak before everything she loves is destroyed.

I appreciate your feedback! More detail, comin' up.
on In a world run by machines, a timid young woman – holding a vital secret – must regain her ability to speak before everything she loves is destroyed.

Thank you for your feedback! I'll revise.

When a young woman foresees her community?s catastrophic doom, she must choose between keeping a solemn promise – and telling the life-saving truth.

In a world run by machines, a timid young woman – holding a vital secret – must regain her ability to speak before everything she loves is destroyed.