kailic

Penpusher · 101 points

199 points to Logliner

2 loglines
4 reviews

A rookie female detective, out to prove herself, is tasked with protecting a single mother and her son when a serial killer learns that the young boy claims to be the re-incarnation of one of his victims, and tries to kill him again.

September 19, 2018
When a single mother investigates her son?s claim that he was murdered in his past life, she inadvertently implicates her self in the unsolved crime and becomes the number one suspect. To prove her innocence, they go on the run, determined to find the real killer before a hard as nails detective can bring them in.

September 19, 2018

on A man makes numerous phone calls trying to negotiate his own safety while travelling to his gangster boss to confess his failure, finally having to settle for saving his family from revenge.

After failing his mission, a criminal tries to negotiate his own safety while traveling to confront his gangster boss, and ultimately rescue his family. Admittedly my longline isn't the greatest, but I think you need to to re-word this so…
on When a nightmarish bogeyman intrudes into her friends’ dreams and kills them for real, a teenager must find a way to defeat him, before she becomes his next victim.

It's too close to Nightmare on Elm Street. It needs a twist. Same thing but done differently. Maybe instead of "in their dreams" the boogey man gets to them in a different way? Or perhaps be more inventive with the…
on On her journey to San Antonio to join her father, a young illegal immigrant works on a farm in South Texas where workers keep disappearing as the avocado trees flourish.

I agree with some of the other comments here. I love that protagonist is a female illegal immigrant. That really puts her at a disadvantage starting out, and the odds are against her. Stick with that as your main character.…
on When her mother goes into rehab, the 16 year old girl must go with her father, a country singer, who is temporarily released from jail to do a tour.

I definitely prefer this longline over "When a country singer is temporarily released from jail..." ?You can see the storyline and conflict in their relationship set up for Act 2 really clearly with this one. There's a lot more that…

A rookie female detective, out to prove herself, is tasked with protecting a single mother and her son when a serial killer learns that the young boy claims to be the re-incarnation of one of his victims, and tries to kill him again.