Carmen

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

2 loglines
5 reviews

Thwarted at every attempt to win over the girl of his dreams, an awkward boy (8) has to overcome his deepest fear to draw her into a magical world.

June 3, 2013
Left alone with her psychotic grandmother, a young girl steps into a nightmarish world of fear, loneliness and hunger. She is faced with a choice- stay safe or find food.

June 3, 2013

on The story about the ghost of a 5-year-old who will not rest until her mother gets justice, finds love and lives happily ever after.

Obviously my example above needs your antagonist slotted in at 'an unjust cause'! ;-)
on The story about the ghost of a 5-year-old who will not rest until her mother gets justice, finds love and lives happily ever after.

Hi Mike, Yes, I also think you should outline the antagonist or at least the danger that the mother is in to create more drama in your log line. I personally am ok with 'This is a story...'. In fact…
on Thwarted at every attempt to win over the girl of his dreams, an awkward boy (8) has to overcome his deepest fear to draw her into a magical world.

Thanks dpg. I did watch 'Moonrise Kingdom' and absolutely loved it! But the feelings between those two main characters go so much further than where my script has gone. Sex isn't remotely on his brain. The boy in my script…
on Thwarted at every attempt to win over the girl of his dreams, an awkward boy (8) has to overcome his deepest fear to draw her into a magical world.

Thanks JBalmer, your logline was actually the one that did help me the most. It's simple and to the point. cheers
on Thwarted at every attempt to win over the girl of his dreams, an awkward boy (8) has to overcome his deepest fear to draw her into a magical world.

Thanks Tony, you guys helped me a lot! Love the Cicada incident. I feel for you ;-) 'win' was definitely too harsh was not expressive enough. Thanks- fingers crossed!

Thwarted at every attempt to win over the girl of his dreams, an awkward boy (8) has to overcome his deepest fear to draw her into a magical world.

Left alone with her psychotic grandmother, a young girl steps into a nightmarish world of fear, loneliness and hunger. She is faced with a choice- stay safe or find food.