1 review
The logline is not presented in the format that is recommended on this site. Please have a look at the tutorials under "START HERE" and "Formula".
Leaving our recommended format aside, this is still not an industry standard logline. You'll do so much better following the advice we give.
A few pointers:
- don't name the characters. The story needs to work without names.
- write it in ONE sentence. This is a paragraph synopsis.
- focus on what you want the reader to imagine in terms of action. Right now, there is none.
Good luck.