When a women?s prison workgang is attacked by 19th Century demon possessed, private-school girls, the head prisoner must destroy them to save the new inmate.

Also, I never said I wanted to write a script with an unsympathetic character.

It's actually a short film i made in 2009 that has done well for me despite it's shockingly low production values (to simulate a gun shot wound I put a wig on a balloon and popped it) and I have often wondered why. I put it up as a logline to see what feedback it might attract if I was ever to expand it. I'll have another think about the logline but I did try and write it out as clear as possible based on what worked in the film.

The biggest lesson I learnt was to give your target audience what they want, which I had done by accident. That means sticking to the rules of the genre (even though this was a mash of two) which is why I have argued so strongly for the main character to be someone very flawed. I'm sorry if that got read as me not taking advice.

I don't see your Queen Bee as being particularly unsympathetic, but it shouldn't take too much tweaking to make her endearing... (maybe by changing her description to 'Queen Bee' could help here, I think it is well known enough with being associated with the highest ranking prisoner in a women's prison...)

For me, regardless of a Protagonist's moral fibre, if they are INTERESTING, then I think, like dpg, that they need at least one endearing trait that you could highlight in the logline via her description... but this eludes to a character driven plot ... horror (or, for Snydites, MITH), is driven by the monster, in this case, the attacking demons (ghost's of the school girls?), as well as the sin committed -- so if the logline's focus is more on demons - maybe by giving us the inciting incident that causes Miranda and Co. to attack the prison (the sin) you don't have to worry so much about describing your lead with as much detail as something from another genre. Alternatively, the relationship between the Queen Bee and New Fish needs more attention if you are going for something other than horror. My take, anyway.

I think it has potential, but the logline could make more of the joke (or, the hook...)

Best of luck.