5 reviews
>>>>she gets dragged into a centuries long battle for the fate of mankind.
Against whom?? Who is the antagonist?
>>>>her best friend gets indisposed
How can an Olympian god become indisposed?
If you're going to play the lesbian card, why not have her partner up with Aphrodite (Venus)?? On whom she has an unrequited crush.? (Hence, more character conflict) And you might want to brush up on the Greek mythology.? Aphrodite set up the inciting incident for the Trojan War.? A cunning female like Aphrodite can let slip the dogs of war just as well as Mars or any man.
kcguru wants to establish "this isn't a plot in romance" by creating a lesbian protagonist
the issue is
this particular detail doesn't contribute to
1. her role,
2. or dramatic need
3. or the Inciting Incident
the three of which MUST be in a logline
this "goal" to "resolve a war for the fate of mankind" does not throw light on her "dramatic need" (doesn't tell us "why?")
doesn't makes her--feel personal enough, to--act
Agreed with DPG and Knightrider.
I'll add that it isn't clear how her being a lesbian contributes to the story, is there a better description you can give her instead? What is her major flaw? Perhaps she is a lifelong skeptic and forced to reevaluate her skepticism after befriending a god.
Last thing, the inciting incident is rather weak "...becomes best friends with the God of War..." what else can happen to her that would motivate her to take action?