When a heartbroken virgin is seduced and humiliated by a movie star she decides to take matters into her own hands.

Hollywood Harlot

3 reviews

FFF Mentor · 7,850 pts

Hello, "she decides to take matters into her own hands" is too vague in my opinion, I have no clue about what will happens in the movie.

bajasarah 0 pts

When a heartbroken virgin is seduced and humiliated by a movie star she decides to take matters into her own hands. "to regain her dignity and make him pay" or something like that. It just needs a conclusion. great logline. very relatable!

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

Hell have no fury?

Good motivation that most people can identify with the description of the inciting incident needs simplifying though, perhaps; After breaking her heart a virgin must?

Seducing and humiliating is less effective because the reader has no context for the humiliation was it in public? On national TV? In private? Point is the kicker was that he broke her heart it is painful, personal and poignant.

Her goal needs to be specified, how will take matters into her own hands? It is the nature of this goal that will make this an interesting story because it will differentiate it from the many other stories about vengeful women with broken hearts.

Hope this helps.