When a egocentric scientist is abducted by a intergalactic tyrant. She must band together with her fellow captives and escape the prison ship and warn earth of its imminent destruction.

1 review

Karel Segers Samurai · 615 pts

Hi Andrew,

Great to see you active in our new look site! I like the concept, but think you can improve the actual logline.

"When a egocentric scientist ... tyrant" is a subclause. You can't end it on a full-stop.

Also the 'and' - 'and' sounds awkward.

A few words on the story: it is plain and simple, and may well work. That said, there isn't really anything super exciting about the concept that makes it stand out. These days, to get interest in a SciFi concept, it must be highly unique. Mostly they're high concept. This isn't really...

That said, the stakes are high, and the goal is clear.

My final point: it feels like the story isn't over when Earthy is simple 'warned'. The enemy is still on its way...

So I'm expecting there will be a battle in Act 3? Try to work it into the logline, in a way that sounds appealing.