The last member of an ancient race must learn to once again trust humans. When a geeky teenage boy is the only chance to save everything she knows.

3 reviews

CraigDGriffiths 20,463 pts

I find the 'last chance to save everything she knows' a bit vague. Sometime vagueness is okay if you can tell what the movie is going to be.

But I can't tell yet. Can we have some detail around that please.

dpg 112,231 pts

This is a promising concept, but I think it needs further development.

Does "ancient race" mean she's not a homo sapiens? ?Is she a Neandertal? ?If so, I think that should be stated explicitly. ?And how can two different species communicate? (Or is she the last member of her tribe?)

And what is the inciting incident that causes their lives to intersect, that kicks off the action of the story? ?That should be in the logline.

And who is the protagonist, the woman or the geek trying to help the woman? ?Pick one for the purpose of the logline. ?If the female is the protagonist, than the geek is the ally character. ?If the geek is the protagonist, the female is the stakes character.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

You should give us the stakes. What is it she will lose? What will cause her to lose it? in other words, "When this specific thing happens" the last member of an ancient race must...