Requesting critical feedback
A brain injured teen with a literary gift relies on cyber eccentric fiction to recover from an illusive locked coma
6 reviews
I like it. A log line to me does not have to answer everything. It should spark curiosity.
The last draft of the logline is even more cryptic than the first - there are too many unclear elements lacking a cause and effect.
Use a different description to "...literary gifted..." - most people don't know what that means, it seems to have little if no impact on the plot and isn't an understandable flaw that indicates an inner journey for the MC.
Give him a different inciting incident, or describe it in clear terms - escalating someone's perception of a recovery is vague most people reading this would have no idea what it means.
Give him a different course of action or describe it in another way. How does he channel a fictional character? This is unclear? Is the MC a fictional character? Does he live in a fictional universe?
How does finding his identity connect to any of the elements described in the concept? Is there a different more concrete goal you can give the MC to achieve?
When deep brain trauma escalates a literary gifted teens perception of recovery to a pain crippling head he creatively channels the aid of a science fictional character to restore his identity a locked coma