Re-awakening from a zombie like state, a man?s pursuit of freedom put?s his life in jeopardy when he interferes with a narcissistic scientist?s pursuit of global mind control.

by lewisricekrispy Penpusher · 2 pts 1,006 views

Devils breath

This is a further update of a previous Logline, hopefully taking in what others have said.

The misguided desire of a narcissistic military scientist brings about the creation of a narcotic with the premise of world peace, however his pursuit of global mind control is in danger when a human test subject re-awakens from the zombie like state.

 

Thanks

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5 reviews

lewisricekrispy Penpusher · 2 pts

Cheers. The story is being told by the victim rather than the scientist, so it will be his version of events.
The scientist is not oblivious to his wrong doings, but sees them as a necesary evil, yet he doesn't believe he is the bad guy.

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

>>>both see themselves as the protagonists

Great! That's the way it should be. But only one of them can be the protagonist from the viewpoint of the thematic value of the plot. You, as the writer, have to pick sides. Whose side are you on? The evil scientist or the guy trying to stop him?

lewisricekrispy Penpusher · 2 pts

Thanks for the input, i'll look at changing the zombie like state part, but i feel that rest of the logline is needed as both see themselves as the protagonists, both have a goal, and you can see what's at stake forboth.