(political action adventure) about Veronica McCabe a college professor who wants to shut down the Plum Island Animal Disease Center. The federal government is bringing live animals with diseases through the community. Her son Alex (9) contracts a rare disease and now she has to find the cure.

COUNTER ATTACK

6 reviews

Tony Edward Samurai · 1,450 pts

Nice rewrite SReyes --

The issue that Richiev raised is still valid though -- how does shutting down the disease center contribute to finding a cure for her son? If her son already has said disease shutting down the disease center seems a tad too late... Maybe if her goal in shutting down the disease center was to prevent other children in the town contracting the disease it would worth...? Although -- if that was the case there is an issue with originality because I feel I've seen that before...

SReyes Penpusher · 55 pts

Seconding Tony: from what I've read the logline MUST be one sentence - but it's always best to write something that's too long first and THEN cut it down into a shorter length. I also don't think you should supposed to include the genre in parentheses at the start - ideally we should be able to tell the genre from the logline alone WITHOUT having it explicitly stated. Similarly with the exact age of the character - maybe try: 'Her young son, Alex, contracts are rare disease and now she has to find a cure.' or 'Alex, her young son, contracts a rare disease and now she has to find a cure.' From that alone I would guess he's 9ish.

One guess: 'College professor Veronica McCabe must shut down a federal Disease Center and their nefarious animal testing in order to find the cure to save her young son.'