When his older brother is framed for a brutal murder. A 15yr old prodigy with incredible powers & abilities. Will unite with his “retired” criminal genius uncle. To stop a superhuman genius serial killer; who has a vendetta against the city’s elite.

#Vigilante

4 reviews

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

Agreed with Craig, best to define a clear goal and inciting incident in the logline.
How does the brother's arrest logically motivate him to fight the serial killer? I would think that if he knows his brother is innocent, he would try and free him or prove his innocence. If that is the ultimate goal, it should be clearly stated as such.

Lastly, I find that good loglines use very little, if at all, adjectives to describe the events and characters. Words such as; brutal, incredible and genius, come across as attempts to heighten the stakes artificially. A good premise will have clearly understood heightened stakes, and require far less linguistic embellishment. I suggest you remove these words and heighten the stakes and motivation, this will also free up some precious logline real-estate.

jlmarevalo Logliner · 314 pts

I like Craig's fine tuning the logline.

How come I can;t post a logline?

Loner Mike Penpusher · 71 pts

Thank you very much!! You have given me a lot to think about. I clearly see my mistakes, and know how to fix them.