On the brink of instantaneous cloning technology a physicist makes a deal with an old friend for the key to his theory in return for a clone of his wife, but when the cloning goes wrong and his wife begins to forget who he is he must find her clone and decide which version deserves to live.

Luminous

5 reviews

mrliteral Mentor · 2,660 pts

Or what if -- not to be one of those people who want you to change your story but this is just a possible suggestion -- the competitor wants a clone of the scientist himself, and he then has to track down his own clone when he begins losing his memory?higher stakes, and a time limit, as he remembers less and less each day. Then you can even pull a twist that he is the clone, and the one he's looking for is the original, who decided to go with the competitor to steal more secrets?or something more imaginative than that, but still -- make it something fun and intriguing, instead of being about ownership of his wife.

mrliteral Mentor · 2,660 pts

I'm not at all clear on what anyone here is talking about so far, but it definitely sounds misogynist. Putting that aspect aside for a second, I'll present the same advice I give everybody: boil it down to its basic details and story elements. Protagonist, goal, antagonist, obstacle. So this is how you might clean it up and pare it down, IF I understand the story correctly:

A scientist shares research with a reclusive competitor and clones the woman they both desire, but must track down his rival and the copy when the original begins losing her memory.

Ashley Jones 0 pts

Hi. I wasn't sure whose wife was being cloned either and for what purpose.