In 1990 a hapless hair metal band must make their way to Los Angeles for their chance at rock n roll stardom but a weaselly label exec and hot new music fads stand in their way.

by solidjim Penpusher · 241 pts 517 views

2 reviews

Foxtrot25 Summitry · 17,380 pts

I would just mention 90s or early 90s, unless the specific year matters. If your story has a leader or protagonist, I would have the logline center on his/her leadership qualities dependent on the success of the band's mission. Also, reconsider the hot new music part as well. How can that be an antagonistic element?

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

This version shares the same problems as the more recent one:

This is too vague.
You need to describe specifically what the inciting incident is;
What does ??new music fads stand in their way?? mean? What is the specific event in which they do that?

You also need to describe specifically what the goal is:
What does ??rock and roll stardom?.? mean in practical terms? What single objective do they need to achieve?

Lastly, why? What is at stake if they fail?