Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
This is a ‘high concept’ idea – involving George growing to full size while Beth and his family try to keep his existence a secret, especially from the university’s leading paleontologist hell-bent on making his mark in the scientific community.
Hi it52,
I'm glad I could pique your interest with my 'DragonSong' story, although I'm fascinated to know how you see this as Television, then as I type I can now see the opportunity to develop a spin-off idea along those lines. (I hope no out-of-work 'Community' show runners are reading this site, on second thoughts maybe I hope they are) I've always seen this as a big, wide-screen live-action CGI adventure family comedy.
Judging from the different views about putting George's name into the logline I think it has achieved the desired effect, i.e., to get people talking about it and asking questions. It is a deliberate act to reclaim the name away from 'dragonslayers' and questing knights but also to introduce those types of characters into the mix and get some traction from the limited word count, space & time needed to catch a readers attention.
I take your point about the palaeontologist but I'm not so sure that the logline always needs the major antagonist referenced, as the logline indicates Beth has her own world to sort out, George is the catalyst character to help her do so.
Interesting that you assumed the twins were both girls, they are in fact a 13 year old boy Mat & slightly older girl Cat, craving attention and of course another family pet - nobody however was expecting George's arrival.
I don't mind that you had a crack at rewriting the logline, I should add that I find no names in loglines highly impersonal, which is why I've included the names I have chosen. Beth is a favourite name but not a game changer, George I believe is structurally important to the story and I would want it to stay. But as Maidenscombe has already pointed out if and when the script is sold the idea becomes someone else's property and who knows what might happen.
It's been great to get the feedback, appreciate you putting in the time.
I agree with sharkeatingman. There is something intriguing in your logline already. Maybe you could reword it a little differently but if I read this as a logline on television, I would give it a shot. The tone is clear as well. I got the impression this would be a family comedy.
I do agree that I don't think we need to know the dragons name n your loglne. It's not important. I also think putting the paleontologist in your logline would be very important. What's stopping the characters from hiding the dragon? Without the description below the logline, I wouldn't know who the antagonist is.
"A single mother's life suddenly gets medieval when she and her family must hide a dragon from a paleontologist who wishes to harm the creature for fame and glory."
Just playing around with your logline. I don't think we need to know that she has two teenage daughters either. I think just knowing she is a single working mother is enough. Hope my opinions help.
Sorry- new fingers... "completely", "apparently".
Also, no disrepect intended to anyone. Just my opinion on previous opinions. We are here to share these thoughts, and you try to find the ones that provide food for thought to help you improve.