Revised: Exes – A 25 year old unemployed woman asks her depressed ex-boyfriend from college for a urine sample in order to pass a drug test for a potential job at her Father’s sign shop. In doing this she wants to enable herself to move out of her Mother’s house and re-enter the dating scene.

6 reviews

RussellN Samurai · 1,083 pts

Sorry, very confused by this. Why would she need a urine sample to get a job at her father's shop, and how would this help her move out? Are they separated?

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

The cause and effect connecting all these plot points is tenuous at best. What is her one primary goal and subsequent obstacle in achieving it?

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

The revised logline reveals the game balls.? Three of them:? get a job, move out of her mom's house, re-enter the dating arena.? However, for the purpose of a logline, as well as framing a plot, one of them has to be the most important, the one that constitutes the overarching objective goal.? All the others others are sub goals -- milestones along the way to the most important goal.? Which is...?

Does she want to play the dating scene for fun and one night stands -- or is she seriously in search of a mate?