6 reviews
Sorry, very confused by this. Why would she need a urine sample to get a job at her father's shop, and how would this help her move out? Are they separated?
The cause and effect connecting all these plot points is tenuous at best. What is her one primary goal and subsequent obstacle in achieving it?
The revised logline reveals the game balls.? Three of them:? get a job, move out of her mom's house, re-enter the dating arena.? However, for the purpose of a logline, as well as framing a plot, one of them has to be the most important, the one that constitutes the overarching objective goal.? All the others others are sub goals -- milestones along the way to the most important goal.? Which is...?
Does she want to play the dating scene for fun and one night stands -- or is she seriously in search of a mate?