During a near-future nuclear war, when an A-bomb forces her into a public bunker, an optimistic head-nurse and mother takes charge of the eclectic group of strangers to ensure they survive the mandatory month-long confinement

3 reviews

Mike Pedley Singularity · 51,300 pts

Thanks for the comments, Trix. Here's my thoughts/responses to your comments.

  • I wanted to have it set in a dystopian near-future so that whilst technology has moved forwards, mankind seems to have taken a ?step backwards. I get that A-bomb tells us it's nuclear war but I wanted to make it clear this is common-place. Things are in place to deal with it (like the bunkers) and it's become a part of life.
  • Based on my (admittedly minimal) research, after 72 hours you could potentially leave the shelter but recommendations are for a 2 week stay in the bunker. I feel like 2 weeks isn't long enough so I upped it and will have an explanation why. At the midpoint, another A-bomb drops nearby so they are forced to stay in for even longer. As for how 'near', I'm thinking within the next 50 years or so.
  • Head nurse, chief nurse - matron might work better...? I wanted her to be someone whom everyone looked up to instantly. She's medically trained and, not only that, she's good enough to be a leader. So it's natural for her to a) be the person whom people turn to for guidance, especially if people are injured going into the shelter (this is the case and will set her up with ordering people about to save lives), and b) be used to taking charge in high-stress situations so proactively just does it. I wanted this to be the answer to the ever-painful question of "why is this person the protagonist?".
  • You're absolutely right here. The conflict is minimal within the logline as it stands. The issue I have is that, to me, within the bunker, there's a snowball effect of mini-disasters - opposing ideals, people wanting to get out, limited resources, another bomb goes off towards the end of their stay, etc, etc - that cumulatively makes the situation about survival. I'm not sure how to phrase that in the logline though - any ideas?

Great notes and I'd love to see your response to my comments.

Trix Samurai · 2,991 pts

A couple of thoughts:

  • Do you need "during a near-future nuclear war"? ?I admit that "the mandatory month-long confinement" may seem confusing without it, but "When an A-bomb" also tells us it's a nuclear war.
  • I'm wondering how 'near' the future is - I'm trying to imagine how long would it be before we'd survive with a system of confinement protocols and when we'd be able to leave after just one month.
  • I'm not sure what a head-nurse is? ?A matron? ?A Chief Nurse? ?Would giving her a lower/more menial job role (than the other characters) provide more conflict?
  • I'm also a little unsure of why they'd need to survive the confinement? ?It sounds like there's a pretty robust system set up and there would be a hierarchy of authority already in place.

In my mind, I can't help thinking that the story is somewhere in what causes the power breakdown within the bunker and threatens their survival. ?The war (and maybe that the auto locking doors won't open for 30 days) is the context.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

Futuristic means like the future but happens today