3 reviews
I love irony,??especially stories entailing?the irony of unintended consequences, ?so I am intrigued by the notion that "the future ?he helped create?is?the nightmare he rallied against in his youth."
Unfortunately,? the ?statement is vague.? There may be the seed of a good story here, but it seems?buried in generalities.??It's doesn't tell me specifically what the future nightmare is.? I?And I don't see?the causal links between?the elements of terrorism?,?the future nightmare,? and pre-birth screening in the logline.? And plotting is all about creating a cause-and-effect links.
As FFF said, what?logline readers in? the industry are looking for is a clearly defined inciting incident, a specific objective goal and a clearly identified antagonist and/or problem.
Hello, I don't understand the link between prebrith screening, terrorism, and ?a new world. I would focus on a single inciting event, a goal, and the source of conflict. I Recommend to do it in one short sentence. I'm a fan of a straight logline because it helps to spot story problems.
This is good, consider breaking it into two sentences, right now your clauses are stacking up. "Brave New World" is a tired reference, unless you're literally remaking that book (or play) - don't use it. Remove the "maybe" - this is the log line, not the tag line - will he or not? Be specific.