As a gang-ravaged inner-city estate is torn apart by a feral beast that feeds on hate and violence, one man trying to renounce his brutal past, must make his way through the bone shattering carnage to find his daughter.

4 reviews

Castler Media Samurai · 589 pts ★ Accepted

Definitely an attention-grabber.
These guys make some excellent points and observations.

I hope you follow through and write this story. It has a lot of potential.

mrliteral Mentor · 2,660 pts

The phrasing here is very off-putting, as is the unnecessary punctuation and excessive use of adjectives. Try arranging it more like:

The protagonist engages in this conflict with the antagonist because of these stakes.

It looks like you have all those details, they just need to flow better to be more compelling.

dpg Singularity · 112,231 pts

If the creature "feeds on hate and violence" why does the daughter need rescuing?? Doesn't the creature focus on the perpetrators of hate and violence -- not the victims?? This point needs to be clarified.