An exiled 'modified human' must help defeat a deadly faction of super-human terrorists to regain his estranged family.

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Pure

3 reviews

spaceshorts 0 pts

agree with other feedback - would like to add that logline insinuates he is helping someone or being helped - is he working within an organization or is he a Taken-style loner? sounds fun either way.

Neer Shelter Singularity · 55,464 pts

Greed with Richiev the inciting incident is missing.

Other wise this sets up a potentially interesting scifi story.

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

You have left out what sets this entire story in motion. Why is he the one taking on Super-Human terrorists, how will that help him regain an estranged family.

Now if the the family was kidnapped by the terrorists I could see how that would all fit, but if that's the case it should be added to the logline.
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"When his family is kidnapped, an exiled 'modified human' must defeat a faction of Super-human terrorists to rescue them."
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Hope that helps, good luck with this!