With an uncanny ability to foresee death while painting, an artist’s prediction forces him to abandon his true love in order to save her.

Master of the Third Mind/Free Fallen

10 reviews

scripping 0 pts

This is a love story though, but have a way of curiosity, that is a fine hook.

Former member Penpusher · 20 pts

Actually, it still lacks a foe. I mean, is this an allegory that death falls in love with her and comes for her, or is there a person or group or illness that threatens her? I still don't see the stakes. 'He wins back her love' indicates to me that she is out of love with him. Does she believe in his ability to foresee her death? Does she fight him? Does he have to save her from one person, or a series of events, like a natural disaster, airplane crash.... what? And 'driven to insanity' doesn't tell me the artist's weakness. Does he believe his prescience, or is he fighting that as well? Maybe:

When a shy, psychic artist senses that his 'true love' is heading for deadly danger on a 'once-in-a-life' work opportunity, he weaves a plot to save her, even if it means losing her love.

phoenixx50 0 pts

Thank you everyone for all your suggestions. I reworked the line and I think I like the new version.