Where screenwriters learn the form and logline their screen ideas.
For once I’m testing the logline before writing a script. Shred this.
The last phrase "after he's been wounded.." sounds like it's been tagged on and continues the sentence a bit too much for my taste. Not sure if this was intended but I'm uncertain about whether to expect a WW2 movie or a movie set in the future - probably the latter. Is the location crucial to the logline?
A shell-shocked, haunted soldier’s quest to get revenge on an alien invading army is derailed when he is shot and left for dead. After he’s rescued by a group of abandoned teenagers he’s forced to decide between saving them or satisfying his desire for vengeance.
BTW: Riffing? Every single person that has read the logline or the idea has come up with THAT variation.
"shell shocked soldier" = protagonist
"he’s wounded attempting to destroy the source of the invaders power" = inciting incident
"vengeance on the invaders" = main character goal
"saving a group of forgotten teenagers" = main character goal
"post-invasion Europe " = setting
The potential weakness, feels like it might be the double main character goals. While it is presented as a potential 'Sophie's Choice (1982)', it lacks the depth of a moral dilemma.
External conflict is great, should character do X or do Y, but it is Internal Conflict that truly tears a character apart. Internal conflict is psychological. What type of character is our shell shocked soldier? Courageous? weak? sentimental? passionate? honorable?
An honorable character might choose serving his army, over saving forgotten teenagers. But a Sentimental character might choose saving teenagers, over seeking revenge.
Question: How might the inciting incident, cause our main character to have to make a choice? That is, the invading powers caused our teenagers to be forgotten, AND (riffing here, but maybe) the teenager is the daughter of the main character - then he would have to save her then! Right!