A rural grandfather with a distant relationship with his urbanite daughter will try to convince her that his granddaughter study the next year in the village school and so the school will not close

by Andres_ Penpusher · 25 pts 0 views

The grandfather also has a distant relationship with his granddaughter. He is married but the grandmother is a secondary character in the plot. His daughter works a lot, and his husband too, so the granddaughter is usually taking after school lessons or under the supervision of a care-taker. Granddaughter is around 7/8 years old.

I hope it can be well understand as English is not my native language and the complexity of the logline makes it a bit hard to translate.

Any comments are highly appreciated 🙂

4 reviews

tinoled Penpusher · 21 pts

I'm confused as to why the school will be closed or not closed

Andres_ Penpusher · 25 pts

Thanks so much for your comments! Expresions like"ill-parented" or "workaholic" are the ones I always miss when translating a logline.

As you said the stake are not too high in the logline, for me the closure of the school will mean the remaining families with school age kids will have to move to other places and the small village will lose an important part of its population and its lifestyle.

Taking your comments I proposed a new version of the logline, it will be:
A grandfather must get his urbanite ill-parented granddaughter to attend the rural school to prevent its closure that will breakdown the village lifestyle.

I left the daugther outside the logline but the reason why the main carachter "goes to the adventure" is better expose and the danger is clearer. I agree with you that rural vs. urbanite plus distant relation and village means the same in the logline, but in choosing one of the two I feel rural vs. urbanite adds a plus of "flavour" to the logline as it sets up a part of the conflict to come.

Lotcher Samurai · 1,013 pts

Ending the logline with "workaholic parents." could work too, given it informs the reader that the granddaughter does indeed have a father figure, (mention of her mother sounds more personal). My edit makes it sound like there is no father figure, which you have stated is not the case, so take this with a grain of salt.