A NASA space drone pilot discovers a mysterious wormhole in space that could lead to preventing the deaths of his family three years previously.

3 reviews

giannisggeorgiou Mentor · 4,754 pts

Richiev:

When he discovers a wormhole in space that could prevent the deaths of his family three years prior, a NASA drone pilot must? (Then tell us what he does about it)

I agree with Richiev. You miss the 3rd element of the logline, the ACTION (see the formula, here).

CHARACTER: a NASA drone pilot.
EVENT: He discovers a wormhole.
ACTION: He has to send the drone into the hole.

Wait, what? Why is he a drone pilot? Major McConaughey must get his own ass in the hole. Otherwise what is the big deal about this movie's action?

giannisggeorgiou Mentor · 4,754 pts

Richiev:

When he discovers a wormhole in space that could prevent the deaths of his family three years prior, a NASA drone pilot must? (Then tell us what he does about it)

I agree with Richiev. You miss the 3rd element of the logline, the ACTION (see the formula, here).

CHARACTER: a NASA drone pilot.
EVENT: He discovers a wormhole.
ACTION: He has to send the drone into the hole.

Wait, what? Why is he a drone pilot? Major McConaughey must get his own ass in the hole. Otherwise what is the big deal about this movie's action?

Richiev Singularity · 82,714 pts

"When he discovers a wormhole in space that could prevent the deaths of his family three years prior, a NASA drone pilot must..." (Then tell us what he does about it)