"A former modesty blaise hitman, now a seemingly warm hearted grand ma agrees to teach a ice princess how to fight, when one of her gay friends gets smashed by her criminal ex-boyfriend and she now must stop him before the one she loves becomes the victim of his jealousy/ control needs"

A former modesty blaise hit man, now a seemingly warm hearted grandma agrees to teach an ice princess how to fight. When one of her gay friends gets smashed by her criminal ex-boyfriend, she now must stop him before the one she loves becomes the victim of his jealousy/ control needs.

[I looked up the word blaise?. Blaise is a personal name (from Greek ???????, the name of Saint Blaise) and a place name.]

I think I saw it as you said first. Action dark comedy - coming of age

Originally, I saw it as mostly a coming of age story, older, savvy woman guides granddaughter through the treacherous rapids of adolescence.

What matters is how you see it. Your vision. What's the story YOU want to tell?

dpg: Do you see something else before? :)

Okay, then I see the story as a combination of genres, coming of age + action-adventure, with a dark-comedy edge.

16-18 or something

Clarification: how old is the "ice princess"?

dpg: I was thinking like 50 or something - maybe 60

Depends. How old is is the granddaughter as you imagine the story?

What kind of genre do you see when reading this logline?

dpg: Thanks a lot. This really helps.

Off the top of my brain pan:

When a legendary retired hit woman helps her timid granddaughter fight back against bullies, the teenager turns into a hit woman in her own right.

Notes:

Modest Blaise: I suggest you don't use her. Not in your logline, no in your story. Because:

1] Don't assume everyone immediately knows who you're talking about. (I didn't; I had to google.)

2 ] IMMEDIATE is a critical operative word in loglines. You've only go a few words, a few seconds to make one impression, the right impression. Don't confuse, don't puzzle, don't give the wrong impression.

3] The character is copyrighted. Which means you have to get clearance to use her in the movie. Which -- IF you can get it -- is going to cost $$$,$$$ -- yeah, six figures at least if it's a major motion picture. By including that implied cost in your logline, you're giving producers and directors a reason, an excuse, NOT make a movie from your script. Don't give them that excuse

Teenager: just a thought. Think of the prime demographic for a 'chic action flick'. (See Katniss Everdeen in "The Hunger Games". Need I say more?) If you movie is a hit then you've hit the mother load of movie making: FRANCHISE!

In loglines, concept is more important than character. I think "a retired hit woman who mentors her granddaughter to become a hit woman" is a cool concept -- a potentially viable hook. As in franchise.

One person's opinion.