TheophilusPorter

0 points

1 points to Penpusher

2 loglines
5 reviews

Not finding any success in the self help and fitness books, a guy goes into a magical store and is given a remedy that works but comes with challenges and side effects that he wasn?t prepared to confront.

December 11, 2012
Gifted with powers after an alien ship crash lands in their hometown, five high school freshmen struggle to deal with homework, football games and staying a step ahead of the military who want to use their powers to benefit them while trying to discover the mysteries behind the crash.

December 11, 2012

on Gifted with powers after an alien ship crash lands in their hometown, five high school freshmen struggle to deal with homework, football games and staying a step ahead of the military who want to use their powers to benefit them while trying to discover the mysteries behind the crash.

Rewrite: Tired of doing what adults can?t, five teens amp up their abilities in an effort to defend the last city not under hostile alien control. Their power may not be enough when they go up against the alien?s top…
on Gifted with powers after an alien ship crash lands in their hometown, five high school freshmen struggle to deal with homework, football games and staying a step ahead of the military who want to use their powers to benefit them while trying to discover the mysteries behind the crash.

This is one of the reasons I'm glad I found this site. I have been working on this script for a while and it hasn't come together and I think this may be why. Back to the drawing board.
on Not finding any success in the self help and fitness books, a guy goes into a magical store and is given a remedy that works but comes with challenges and side effects that he wasn?t prepared to confront.

Thanks for the tip. Let me rewrite this one based on your feedback.
on Tired of being told she doesn't take risks, a nerdy college student creates a math problem and proclaims she'll go on a date with the first student that solves it.

Feels like you are on the right track. With Zach's suggestion the logline does seem to flow and work better, but it still feels like it is missing something. I noticed your title is Emily and the Dragon. Perhaps we…
on Corporal Brandon Goldstein returns home from Vietnam after a 22 – month deployment, seeking answers why his home and family are gone and nobody recognizes him.

I like the premise of this one. It feels like there is some good story potential there. I think you should keep it general and not give the character's name. Let the reader of the logline fill in their own…