-
on
After literally dying onstage, a caustic comedian's only shot at getting into Heaven is to fix three lives ruined because of him.
I considered that, but think it still works without it. Will still give it a try, though. Thanks!
-
on
After falling through a wormhole, a powerful young superhero with supernatural power is thrown through a whirlwind when he finds himself in the "Real World" where he and his adventures have been nothing more than a series of books.
A little wordy, but I like the concept. This is a good set-up, but it doesn't really tell us what the story's about. It feels like this is what happens in Act One. A few things to consider: -What's your…
-
on
A young Dutch woman is kidnapped by German agents who steal her fortune in diamonds and shoot her in an unsuccessful art sting, finally defeats her nemesis to recover her birthright and protect the man she shares it with.
This is the second play in a trilogy and any comments would be appreciated.
I've read all three of your loglines, and each one follows the recurring theme of "some high-octane action set pieces" and "vague objectives and goals". I'm all for a good adventure-type good vs evil story, but you're missing the vital…
-
on
After the outlaw who murdered her father steals her train and frames her for the theft, a gutsy engineer must go on the lam to stop him from pulling off the biggest heist in US history.
Thanks for the suggestions. I agree about it being too wordy, and dropped "who murdered her father" and "go on the lam to", as well as a choice adjective for the outlaw. Someone thought "gutsy" was somewhat overused, so they…
-
on
Wrongfully accused of being part of a plot to overthrow Santa, an amateur detective elf goes on the run to prove his innocence and solve the case.
somewhat. thanks again
-
on
Wrongfully accused of being part of a plot to overthrow Santa, an amateur detective elf goes on the run to prove his innocence and solve the case.
I recently took part in a lengthy discussion about including stakes and consequences in a logline, which is why I wanted to play up the fugitive angle. In the meantime, I'll continue to try a few different approaches. Thanks.
-
on
Wrongfully accused of being part of a plot to overthrow Santa, an amateur detective elf goes on the run to prove his innocence and solve the case.
It doesn't. He's a fugitive, which I guess wasn't implied enough.
-
on
An engineer accused of treason goes on the lam to recover the fastest train in the West, which has been stolen by a notorious outlaw to pull off a million-dollar robbery.
It never occurred to me that some people might not understand "goes on the lam," so try this on for size: "An engineer accused of treason runs from the law in order to clear her name and recover the fastest…
-
on
A selfish teenager has until sunrise to rescue his devoted little sister from the place where dreams REALLY come from, or else they'll be trapped there forever.
This may post twice, but wanted to make sure it got out there. How does this sound? "A selfish teenager has until sunrise to rescue his devoted little sister from the fantastic place where dreams REALLY come from, or else…
-
on
A lonely young man gets caught up in the craziness of an exclusive nightclub that he discovers might be trafficking drugs but he soon falls head over heels for a quirky girl who is addicted to the club, the only way to save her and maybe himself is to bring it all down.
She's addicted to the nightclub? Or is she a drug addict?
